Today’s subway trip was even more eventful than usual.

I saw one of the most bizarre advertisements while I was on the F train. It was a healthcare ad, but not promoting an insurance company. It listed ten ways to make sure you have a healtheir life. I took a picture, but it came out blurry (the train was in motion, and I neglected to set the camera to its Motion setting). It read: Live Longer. Live Healthier. Take Care New York.

1. Have a regular doctor or other health care provider.
2. Be tobacco-free.
3. Keep your heart healthy.
4. Know your HIV status.
5. Get help for depression.
6. Life free of dependency on alcohol and drugs.
7. Get checked for cancer.
8. Get the immunizations you need.
9. Make your home safe and healthy
10. Have a healthy baby.

I can’t believe these two got past the company’s ad review panel. Firstly, not all of us have depression. Listening to a motivational speaker tell us how great we are is more likely to inflate our egos, in which case we’d have to visit demotivational speaker to get back in balance.

Second, I’m all for being healthy and living longer, but if it means I have to have a child, forget it. Let’s forget for a moment that I’m physically incapable of giving birth (they didn’t explicitly say it, so I’ll ignore it). A baby is just as likely to kill me as it is to make me live longer. Yea, I might eventually get a child who’ll take care of me in my old age, but considering how fucked up I am, I’m just as likely to get a child who’ll castrate me when I’m asleep. Until I’ve got a wife to make sure that no severing goes on, I’ll pass on the child.

The other event involved a typical meek Asian woman. She looked of meekness, but that impression dissipated for a moment as the train pulled into a stop. A guy on the bench near her got up and left, leaving the seat open. Unlike many meek people, she darted towards the seat, only to find that a guy snatched it up before her.

Already uncomfortable, she tried to minimize the embarrasment by continuing her walk, acting like she meant to move somewhere else on the train. She was right in between the two doors as the wave of commuters entered the train, and she was consequently paralyzed as the mob surrounded her and filled in the empty spaces. Looking very confused, she reached for the nearest pole only to find that there was a lady on her side of it taking up the whole pole (her leaning on it makes sliding your hand around it difficult and intrusive). Too shy to ask her to move, the Asian lady resigns herself to awkwardly clutching the armrest at the end of the bench to keep steady. Ironically, the armrest is right next to the man who originally took the seat she wanted. One of the most amusing things I’ve seen in quite some time.

Edit: Ask, and (for a small fee,) you shall receive.