The Domain of Steven Pinnacle of Paperless Perfection


Also, Hell wants its heat back

Both of my dance classes this week had more guys than girls. I'm going to buy a lottery ticket now, because if one statistically impossible event happened twice in a row, a third may just be the charm for me!

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This man can truthfully tell “in Soviet Russia” jokes

The only parts of my CS theory class I fully grasp are the random jokes the teacher dispenses that are vaguely related to the lecture.

God gave the three best possible merits to Russians. However, to be fair, he would only give two of three to any one person: honesty, intelligence, and party membership. [This was printed in a Communist newspaper, but with a very large end note, explaining that party meant Nazi party, obviously.]

Prior to World War 2, Russia had near-unlimited manpower and extensive funds, which were pooled with the intent to make Russia a bastion for academia. They gathered the best minds and set them to the task of perfecting weather forecasting. Yet even with all these resources, they were only able to attain 40% accuracy. They were thus astounded that a small town in Russia was able to predict the weather with 150% efficiency compared to their national weather forecasting center. The leaders of the center traveled to the town, eager to learn how they were able to achieve 60% accuracy. The town forecaster responded, "Easy, we just take what you say and tell people the opposite."

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But unlike D&D, you are not limited to one per round

Today in my databases class, I absorbed a programming concept by mentally comparing it to a Dungeons and Dragons combat mechanic. This is almost as bad as when I learned a Mahjong rule by comparing it to Magic the Gathering spell speeds. I feel like the biggest dork in the world.

(In SQL, you can create a trigger command that will execute when a condition is met, either before the event or after it. In D&D, immediate actions can be performed when a condition is met, either before the event if it is an immediate interrupt or after the event if it is an immediate reaction.)

(In Mahjong, you are allowed to claim a tile in order to form a set. If multiple people try to claim it, preference goes in order to: winning hand, identical tile set, consecutive tile set. In MtG, if you play a sorcery (consecutive), others can play instants that resolve before it (identical). Split second cards (winning) have priority over all other cards, however.)

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No, you are not excused, bitch


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The seats in my Philosophy class are damn good too

This weather...where's it's cool enough to not worry about wearing too much, where it's warm enough to not worry about wearing too little, where it's cool enough to be active outside and feel great when your body responds, where it's warm enough to feel cozy if it doesn't...I like this weather. I love this weather. I want this weather for the rest of my life.

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I need to take a picture one of these days

I learned my first dancing dip. God it's awesome. It's infinitely smoother and sexier when the teacher demonstrates it (either leading or following), but it still feels damn slick.

My pet peeve though? Spinning. I absolutely hate when I have to spin, because I get quite disoriented. I have a much greater appreciation for the followers now, and especially for modern jive followers, since just about every move ends in one or two spins. Thankfully, as the leader, we don't spin unless I say we spin, and you know what? Maybe I'll make you spin while I do something equally awesome that doesn't leave me pointed in the wrong direction two feet away from where I should be.

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Because you’d bite right through latex

Having finished A Song of Ice and Fire, a brilliant medieval series with a touch of fantasy, I find myself restless. Back in elementary school, middle school and high school I would devour books, my hunger a near-insatiable entity that usually lingered around the sci-fi/fantasy section of the library. I didn't have a whole lot of people to talk to books about or glean recommendations from, and I was introduced to great authors like R.A. Salvatore and J.K. Rowling often by happenstance, but once I picked up the scent of something delectable I would quickly consume everything and anything I could get my hands on.

For a long time my mother and the people she knew had been the biggest contributor to my literary travels, and for good reason: book smarts come from reading books, and so they were all in favor of finding more books that interested me so that I would continue to read and absorb and think and learn. They weren't deliberately meant to push the boundaries of my vocabulary, but the genres I gravitated towards: fantasy, science fiction, horror; they naturally had strong writing styles that facilitated their strong tones.

While the romance section was always located next to the sci-fi/fantasy section, I always felt awkward about approaching it, not to mention deterred by the over-the-top book covers. And so I've never read a romance novel, though I've always been curious. The closest I've come has been in Mr. Gern's AP English class, where he read a couple pages of a romance novel out loud in order to illustrate the use of some symbolism that eludes my recollection. It probably got lost in the giggling that ensued when our normally calm, soft-spoken teacher started talking about the taut muscles that rippled across our protagonist's chest.

So it is with some apprehension that I start reading Twilight. I know it has a following, I know it has a movie, I know that it would give me conversation material with girls, and I know that it wouldn't be this popular without a good reason...but that doesn't mean I'll like it. LazyTown has a following, but I'm not going to watch it unless there's a very good reason.

But I keep hearing about it, and it's impossible for me to isolate myself and just ignore it. At the PCSC we started up some idle chatter on one side of the room, and somehow the female customer brings Twilight the movie into the conversation. No one admits to having seen it but the two consultants who have girlfriends, who use their significant others as excuses. One didn't find the movie very interesting; the other was of the same notion up until the end, where someone's head gets ripped off. He felt that the movie could have been substantially improved if there were more decapitations.

The rest of us start asking questions about facets of the Twilight universe, like the ability to read minds, and eventually one of us just caves in and details the plot of the movie. Yadda yadda emo vampire, yadda yadda vegetarians, yadda yadda female human gets bitten and will die from the contact. Male vampire love interest sinks his teeth into her to try to draw out the poisonous vampire blood, but finds the contact ecstatic and has to be yanked away by others. A pause while we digest, but I'm not digesting. I see it hanging in the air there, and I make eye contact with everyone to see if anyone else sees it too. No one. I can't leave it alone, so I pipe in, "So the moral of the story is...pull out?"

So it is with some apprehension that I start reading Twilight.

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