The Domain of Steven Pinnacle of Paperless Perfection

6Oct/0810

Guarding my grill is not enough

The funny thing is, I did everything right. I did not jaywalk in front of the stopped bus, because I would have had a hard time looking at the traffic. I did not start walking once the light started changing away from green. I did not cross before cars had pulled to a stop. I was not the first one on the street.

Yet as I take my first few steps onto the crosswalk, I notice a flicker of movement in the corner of my eye. Just a biker zooming down one of the newly-painted bike lanes. With all these people crossing on a red light, no doubt he'll slow down and stop. Safety in numbers, the creed of anyone who has ever walked through a shady part of town at night or crossed a Manhattan street.

But the flicker isn't slowing nor stopping. As I turn my head, the flicker is no longer just a figment, it's a biker mere feet away cycling straight towards me. Headlights, check. Deer, check. I'm caught.

I said a big fuck you to Newton right then and there, because his third law causes the biker to stop and me to start. The front wheel hits the side of my calf and I'm finding that my legs have gone on strike. I'm thrown to the side, amazed that I was actually hit by something when I see the biker and his mount fall over to the side in front of me. He must have been in shock too, cause it was a pretty slow and hilarious descent. His side saves his bike from further harm, though I hear some things of his clatter and crack as they fall to the ground.

Now remember that I'm not alone on this crosswalk. In order to reestablish my faith in the "safety in numbers" creed, the rest of the pedestrians gather around us and make sure we're okay. I wave them off and tell them that I'm fine. My leg responds, and it's just a dull pain rather than a sharp pain caused by movement, so I doubted anything was damaged.

My main concern is the other victim in the accident. In the heat of the moment I ignored the red light and thought the collision was my fault. My inability to move out of the way caused the biker to fall. I was fine, but how was he? Would he be pissed that I threw him off his bike? What if he broke something?

Barely coherent apologies came out of my mouth, only to be met by a stream of apologies coming from him as well as he stands up. I help him pick up his stuff, then limp over to the bus before it leaves or I get run over for standing in the street (again). I plop down onto the bus and then look myself over. I was afraid that I had scraped my palms when I fell, but I was actually wearing a jacket with sleeves that extended past my palms, which kept them from getting scraped up. Instead, when looking at my calf I find a small cut. I was wearing jeans which probably deflected some of the bite of the bike wheel, but it wasn't just a papercut that I could ignore. I immediately went into treatment mode, once again glad that I am a walking first-aid station.

I would be feeling that leg for the next few days, but I got out of it much easier than I might have. And hey, I learned a valuable lesson.

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  1. “and you about to get ran the FUCK over”

    very nice.

    but i’m glad you’re ok!

  2. AND YOU DIDN’T SHARE THIS WHEN WE TALKED???

    you could’ve died or something, steve. this is traumatic. should i knit you a body suit?

  3. WOWOWOWOWOWO!!!!!! I thought you got hit by a truck. But still….=[ Getting run over by anything would be scary. I’m scared i might get run over by an icecream truck…and that’s pretty scary in many ways. I hope you feel better.

  4. Damn Steven, that link at the end had me cracking up for a good hour.


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