Dear Mr. Fruit Basket,
I know you have a great reputation as a matchmaker, but all the fruit you’ve given me has been mediocre. I’ve gotten bored with the fat red apples you keep showing me. They may be sweet and nice, but I need some zest in my life.
That’s when you brought that Cripps Pink apple to my door. His slim, toned body and crisp, tangy demeanor are what I’ve been looking for all my life. Set us up on another date.