The Domain of Steven Pinnacle of Paperless Perfection

29Sep/062

Japanese 111 wasn’t any help.

On this music video.

SarcasticSteven: wow wtf is this about
SarcasticSteven: utada is suddenly crazy emo stalker
SarcasticSteven: and everyone's going v for vendetta on their asses
SarcasticSteven: and...erectile dysfunction?
dabiggestDREAMer: ...what?
SarcasticSteven: exactly
SarcasticSteven: no clue what's going on in the music video
dabiggestDREAMer: where the f*** did u get erectile dysfunction from?
SarcasticSteven: when the black chick and the white guy are having sex
SarcasticSteven: and then he sits up straight and is like "...*moody*"
SarcasticSteven: the chick tries to comfort him but he's all like "zomgnoooo" and runs
SarcasticSteven: then punches away his frustration
dabiggestDREAMer: (i am laughing out loud)
SarcasticSteven: teehee
dabiggestDREAMer: i thought he'd be like, facing some inner demons
dabiggestDREAMer: or some shit more deep than a soft dick
SarcasticSteven: lol
SarcasticSteven: another theory i conjured up is that the black chick is actually a closet lesbian who has had feelings for utada ever since they were little kids
SarcasticSteven: hence the flashbacks
SarcasticSteven: and maybe she called out her name when she was having sex with the guy
SarcasticSteven: and then the guy is all like "wtf? unless this is gonna be a threesome, i'm out"
dabiggestDREAMer: ..
SarcasticSteven: and the girl is all mixed up inside, but runs after him
SarcasticSteven: and then she's all like "UTADA ZOMG"
SarcasticSteven: but utada goes flying like a ragdoll
SarcasticSteven: but not before she flashes a really sweet smile, because she loves her too
dabiggestDREAMer: i thought it was more best friend than lesbianism..but hey you never know XD
SarcasticSteven: they might've had some fling before she was dumped
dabiggestDREAMer: little children tho..i dunno
SarcasticSteven: but while utada embraced her lesbianism and always wanted her to be her last, the black chick wanted to fit in
SarcasticSteven: and it's in the moment before the car crash that the black chick gives in and they share a moment of compassion and love

Filed under: Amusing, General 2 Comments
28Sep/068

Smoky gists, meanings, essences, themes…

The desk lamp that casts shadows across the room can still wash away my worries and make my room feel like home. I love being in a school with such animate people in abundance, but it's still nice to be alone with your thoughts. As I look at my desk and see the free pens stolen from Splash and Collegefest, the post-its hanging off the side of my monitor, homemade Japanese flashcards lying next to new ones waiting to be filled, and my keyboard hanging off the table while being supported by an open drawer so that I can have room to put my books, I'm amazed at the extent to which I've settled down. In fact, the only thing that shocks me more is the realization that I'm not homesick, but happy and content.

Now if only this cough would go away and I could finally get the hang of Japanese and calculus, everything would be peachy keen.

I'd love some cheap Chinatown food, too.

19Sep/0616

Eggs and bakey

People who make dorm fire alarms should consider branching out into the alarm clock industry. That shit would not stop.

Filed under: Gaming, Life, School 16 Comments
15Sep/065

Ai? Hai.

I had cried that night.

I was sure that if I kept my mind off of it, I could have not cried, but I wanted to. In breaking up with Cristen, out of spite and frustration and bitterness, I chose to give up. Whether it was because she couldn't see my point, or because I was trying to remove the tetraskelion, I was exhausted, and just wanted to let it all go. To speed up the recovery time by releasing all my emotions in a successive bursts, leaving me shaken but not stirred. To curl up, only to want to stand up and stretch afterwards.

I had had the romantic notion of crying in the shower, the closest thing I could come to rain, removing the need to open my eyes or wipe away tears or even be seen or heard. I hadn't intended to tell my mother about it when I went into the bedroom to get fresh clothes, but after a long pause and a concerned look from her, it just came out.

Saying it to her was even harder than saying it to Cristen, because it was no longer an attack, but a loss that I hadn't fully thought through. But before I speak, I think. And so I thought, and I cried and I ran. I wish that there was someone there in that moment that I could have run into and grasped for dear life, like Cristen once did for me. A person, even uncaring or unattached, would have provided so much more comfort than the tile wall. The warmth helped.

To her credit, my mother let me talk it out with her afterwards, but I didn't have any more steam to vent. I was just...gone. I had cut my ties, paid my dues, and was willing to try to move on.

But random luck and unintentional conversations succeeded for the second time at bringing us together. I've forgotten how the talk ebbed and flowed, but I do know that the small flicker of hope that I couldn't quell was fed and had begun to flourish. It wasn't tempered with regret, but instead the ecstasy of comprehension, the contentment of appreciation.

I'm glad that you realized that you wanted to be with me, Cristen, because I want to be with you too.