The Domain of Steven Pinnacle of Paperless Perfection

2Dec/057

Roly poly rhymes

Happy and sad,
Tired and awake,
I'm not sure how much more
of this cycle I can take.

I procrastinate. I sleep at 1 or 2 AM on a daily basis, waking up at 6:25 AM. I do very little homework, if at all, due in no small part to my tendency to get sidetracked as well as starting my homework as late as 11 PM despite coming home several hours earlier. I regularly feel remorse for my actions, though inaction would be the more appropriate term, and then five minutes later go back to procrastinating.

And yet I keep doing it because once the ten seconds of remorse runs its course, I'm perfectly content. Maybe even happy. There are plenty of things I love to do in the world, plenty of things that I have already done, and plenty of things that I have yet to do. I could step away right now and I'd be satisfied with the things I've done. Content with the memories made.

That contentment is perhaps what's keeping me from being more efficient. Most of the time I like how my life is going. Sure, I'm sleepy during particular classes, and will eventually get yelled at by a teacher for handing in a project late, but I'll do fine. I've done fine, I will do fine, and I'll be content with however "fine" is defined, so why change that?

I had thought that with my shifting from Xanga to Blogger to Deadjournal to Freewebs to Movable Type to WordPress that maybe I wasn't a traditional. I do like new techy things: new gadgets, new programs, new discoveries. Yet the more I think about it, while there may be instances where I like to shift around, I really prefer to settle into grooves. Be it in an online world or in school, I've had the most fun when it was something I could rely on.

I just hope that when the dust has cleared after I've left college, that something will be a someone.

Comments (7) Trackbacks (0)
  1. Real Life looks like such a cool game! If I had the time, I’d play it to live the life I wish I were living now (bwaha I’d have so much sex). >=D

    Actually, I’ve been having a similar problem. I’ve been procrastinating on my bedtime (O.o) and going to be at 1-2am daily for no legitimate reason. I hate it and I’m trying to fix this…. But if you’re so content, there should be no problem for you ne? Content with fine… I find that a good thing. It makes you one of the least stressed people I know (from what I can tell…)!

  2. i had something cool to say. then i forgot. i shall return!!

  3. It gets worse in college, when you can punt class and just not show up and nobody will chastise you for it- except a few upperclassmen, of course. 😀

    • Hopefully I’ll retain some form of decency and show up to class. Even if it’s only to sleep.

      • But, see, IMO, if all you do is sleep, then you might as well be more respectfull to the professor by NOT showing up to his class. I mean, if you show up and sleep, isn’t it like saying “Look your class is boring” as opposed to just tacitly implying that 9:30 am is too damn early for you to get up?

        • You college kids and your weird sense of respect. Logical, but weird. I’ll have to remember to use that excuse about a year from now 😛 .

  4. i thought about what i would feel if i died today… and i would be content with what i did with my life too. but i don’t think my procrastination comes from satisfaction. rather, it’s the lack of it. i severely procrastinate nowadays because i don’t think i can ever understand calculus or complete that chem lab sufficiently… so why bother? but i have to at least fumble to let myself know before i go to bed at night that i did something to try to alleviate my problems, even if it were only lifting a pen and reading the same sentence over and over again. i guess my contentment comes from a sense of purpose in my life and the knowledge that i could do nothing better with the circumstances i’m living in.


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