The whole time, it never crossed my mind. Some people try it right when the foundation has been set, but I waited until the last night. I don’t know why. I mean, if you look at my posts, or have talked to me online, or god forbid talked to me in person (and true talking requires that I say something that makes me smirk or giggle uncontrollably), then you’d think I was a pervert. Yet the whole time, it never crossed my mind.
It’s not that I wasn’t able to think of suitably interesting things to do that deepened it, but it was a preliminary step that I neglected. We had been alone countless times, and perhaps she even expected it. I can even recall an instance where I think her friends expected it. One night they were in a group and had met us outside, but for some reason or another, the leader pressed the group to leave us alone. That person gave me the strangest stare, as if she knew what I was thinking. Of course, I wasn’t thinking anything at the time, and so the effect was lost. I couldn’t mouth a “thank you”, because honestly, I didn’t know what the heck was going on. So we sat down, and just stayed like that, enjoying each other’s company.
Perhaps that’s all that I needed. Nothing more than company. I’ve always had some crush or another, but I’ve been happy in the times that there was none that I acted on, and simply enjoyed being with people. Perhaps that’s the purest kind of love there is. Not pressuring the other person to do something, or thinking about doing something but not acting on it, since it goes against your better judgement. Just being good friends. That’s all I really need, and that’s what I have to thank you all for providing me.
If you want to
I can save you
I can take you away from here
So lonely inside
So busy out there
And all you wanted
was somebody who cares
–All You Wanted by Michelle Branch